Lost In My Thoughts….Decisions

It’s been awhile….I know. Sorry guys, I have been all over the place…LITERALLY. My mind and my life have been pulling me in so many directions that it’s hard to focus on one particular thing, especially my beloved blog. I will be making MAJOR changes in my life but until then….everything is HUSH HUSH. (Of course you guys will learn about it here)

I found myself tossing and turning last night as I tried to quiet my mind. Restless and tired, I decided to pen my thoughts…

Laying here it’s 3:30 am and all I could think about is you…yes you. The one that comforts me when all fails, the one whose words embrace me when I need it the most. How many times have I relied on you and you were there? Too many. You know my up most secrets and continue to treasure them for me. Remember that time when he broke my heart? Or that time I was let down, again? Or how about that time where I was lost in my own fortress of despair…remember those tireless days? It was you whose strength embraced me, it was you who gave me harsh truths when I was blinded  refused to see them.

How do I thank you?

My words will never be enough at times like this -especially when it’s truly me, myself and I. I have found comfort in you and it is you who I seek every night. I know there are times that I ‘ve pushed you away and tried to silence you but you never stopped, never stumbled. The slow nagging sound of my mistakes became a jarring noise that I could no longer deny. You believed in me even before I took pen to paper; yet you continue to push me, stretch me but more importantly, challenge me.

So how do I repay you when I have taken you for granted? It’s true, you never miss what you have till it’s gone but I never want to lose you…EVER.  So do I follow my heart or go the path that is “intended” for me? Follow my passion or drown in the crowd? I don’t want to exist…I want to LIVE. I choose to LIVE, I choose to LAUGH, I choose to LOVE…I choose YOU.

“It’s the one in you, never getting you keeps me wanting you…missing you, just the picture of you is what gets me through. Fit for you, I was meant for you, what I was sent to do was meant for you…hope I said this sh-t right.  Cuz if I never have you, than I could never lose you. Do you know what may happen if I decide to choose you?

Than the world may just stop spinning and it will just be the end it. Talking about existence who knows? But I cannot sleep tomorrow if you’re not in my tomorrow.  I don’t answer the world. How can I win? You belong to me but I belong to them. Who do I give me to, who do I let win? You or the world?

Cuz if I really have too, than you know I’ll choose you. Do you know what would happen if I ever lose you? Than my heart would just stop beating and my mind will just stop thinking and my strength will turn to weakness. You know that I cannot sleep tomorrow if you’re not in my tomorrow. I don’t answer the world, how can I win? You belong to me but I belong to them. Who do I give me to, who do I let win? You or the world….” – Jhene Aiko

You or the world?


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