I know I haven’t been pretty active this week with blogging (sorry!) but as you guys may or may not know, I’m always busy with some aspect of my life. For the past three weekends, I’ve had family visit me and I had so much fun but I was completely drained. My body was screaming for me to sleep and rest but unfortunately I didn’t listen. So what happens when you have a hard head and a soft butt? You get sick. Smh. I’m feeling a lot better and I actually had time this weekend to go out and have some fun.
My weekend started with some great food and drinks…lots of drinks! LOL. I went to happy hour with a girl friend of mine, after running around trying to get my bridesmaid dress I was happy to hang out and catch up on some girl talk. The first thing that I noticed was a black guy with his white girlfriend…nothing out of the ordinary with that but the level of PDA that I saw left me perplexed.Why? Because, I hardly see black-on-black couples showing that much PDA, hell, if any at all. I tapped my girlfriend and before I knew it she was already vocalizing her frustration.
That’s that s-hit I’m talking about Jen.
Ummm..yeah. That’s crazy, I don’t really see much of that when their with us, do you or am I bugging?
Nope. Some times they just want to dap it up and a small hug and keep it moving.
Hmm…I tried to think back to the time when I was either dating a black guy or was in a relationship with one and I don’t recall showing some form of PDA towards each other. The most that was ever displayed was sitting next to each other when going out to eat with friends or family or a hug or two. I remember wanting to hold my boyfriends hand and after a couple of seconds, he was ready to release it as if it was some sort of contraption that he hated. Witnessing that didn’t sit well with me and maybe I had dated the wrong people, but the level of affection that this guy was displaying was just out of the norms for my friend and I.
So the real question boils down to-was it because she was white??
My honest answer would be….YES.
Since, I’ve moved to D.C. I have been seeing an influx of black men -white( women) relationships/pairings…whatever you want to call it. I am not going to sit here and be a hypocrite because I have had my fair share of “swirling”….actually I’m currently doing that right now. I get questioned a lot on why I’m only dating one particular race of people or I get approached more by white/asian guys than black and I say because I’m not strung on color. I don’t intentionally go out and say, “tonight is the night I’m going to go out and get a __________ (insert race of choosing) man.” No. I go out and enjoy myself, if my behavior so happens to attract a man that happens to be non-black than so be it.
So than what is the problem?
Not necessarily, a problem just an observation I have noticed. To not come of as bias or mean-spirited, I decided to have a discussion with a male friend of mine.
Quick question D. I’ve been seeing a lot of black guys with white women and the behavior and actions that they do with white women they hardly if ever do they do with black girls. What’s up with that?
Jen….some black men will go out of their norm and treat these white women different because their foundation of how they should be treated (dating wise) has already been established by white guys. White and Asian guys are their competition…a white girl is not going to take “come back to my crib and chill” when she’s used to being wined and dined. Period.
Soo….black girls shouldn’t expect that with the black guys their dating?
No, they should…it’s just not a requirement.
Just saying it how I see it, sis.
Some black men will date some of the most unattractive/uneducated white women just to satisfy his media driven “need” to be with a white girl. White men on the other hand don’t date just any black woman, they usually want a woman of a certain class, size, and education level. Many may not want to hear that but its true, I’ve learned that from working with a lot of successful men of other races and going out with a few.- Anonymous
Before you call me all some types of names think about it, or better yet, let me explain….ish.
I went on a date with this white guy a while back. He was in his late 20’s, established and a decent looking guy. I wasn’t fully attracted to him but he had a great personality and I enjoyed talking with him. The discussion about race and dating came up and he told me that he has seen some of the most plain Janes’ with black men. He went as far as to say that it’s funny how black guys will be at a club/bar/lounge and their sole focus is to “pull” a white girl for the night and that most of the time she doesn’t even look good.
While looks are subjective, I have witnessed that observation a couple of times. I went to a networking happy hour with a friend of mine recently and it was a mixed crowd (which I love). Low and behold, most of the black guys were mingling or were highly ‘thirsty’ to talk to women of other races besides their own. Was I slightly dismayed by this, yes, but one or a few monkeys (no pun intended) doesn’t stop MY show. So what did I do? I straightened up, sauntered to the bar, ordered a drink and began to work the room. I caught the eye of this guy (who just happened to be white) and he approached me. The rest of the event and night ended up with great food and drinks. However, that didn’t go well for some of the brothas there.
Hypocrisy at it’s finest. SMH.
A couple of them started to loom in the area and all of sudden, I was the most “prized” person there as if my stock went up because I was engaging with a man, a white man at that.
I honestly believe that there is a self-hatred in the Black race that needs to be dealt with, but that is another topic for another day. Now is every black male that engages in a relationship with a white women doing so because they need to fill some sort of acceptance or fill their curiosity, not too sure. I can’t speak for the entire race and I can’t speak from the male perspective but I can share my own opinions and observations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that black men don’t show their significant other PDA but the level that I’ve witnessed here in the DC Metro area when it comes to non-black women is something that I’m not used too.
A fellow blogger of mine wrote an interesting post…I’m still trying to come up with a good response to it and so far nill. Interesting perspective…interesting to see what you guys think about mine and his views.