With so many announcements from friends and family about their engagements and upcoming weddings, I actually feel like a grown up. If living away from family and paying major bills did not solidify that for me, these recent announcements have done so.
I can’t wait to attend, watch and be a part of many of these events but as I was wishing many of them well, I couldn’t avoid the constant chatter among some of my friends on Twitter regarding so and so news. Of course some of my single friends may have felt slightly jealous and hey, I can’t blame them. Hearing news like that can make you feel a bit sad when you don’t have someone in your life, but some of you out there should not be in a rush to get into a relationship.
“But why Jennifer?”, you ask.
Because some of you don’t like yourselves. Yes, I’ve said it.
Now, I know this is a huge generalization but I truly believe that some women do not like themselves. Yes, I know the effects that a bad relationship can have on someone and I know how that can eat at one’s self-esteem. I also know that when you feel at your worse, you can place your self in situations or deal with people who you would have otherwise not done so if your self-esteem was in tact.
So what’s the rush?
Relationships and marriage are a beautiful thing, I agree. It’s great a feeling to know that you have someone in your corner; someone you can talk too, laugh
at with, spend time and grow with. However, it is not something you jump into because your Facebook timeline is bombarded filled with engagement statuses and photos. If you have baggage that you are dealing with and avoiding, jumping into a relationship is not going to fix or heal you. Funny enough, it can do the complete opposite.
Take me for example.
After I got out of my long-term relationship in college. I was so excited that I was single that I decided to take a year from dating and focus on me. I didn’t seriously date that whole year, I just talked to some guys here and there but that was it. When I did venture out however, the next guy that I dated dealt with a lot of my unresolved baggage. Yes, taking a year off was supposed to help me move on, but I never truly dealt with those insecurities that I had acquired throughout my former relationship. I was projecting my fears and insecurities in this relationship and was never truly enjoying it for what it was. While he didn’t help quell my suspicions, I wasn’t the easiest to get along with either.
That relationship ended, even though I was sad I knew it was for the best. I was just not ready. If you told me that a year and half ago I would have denied, denied, denied but my actions spoke louder than my words. I was confused. I didn’t know what I want and I felt like I should have. All my closest friends were getting serious with guys they were dating and here I was just me, myself and I. I finally dealt with my issues and decided that if it happens it happens and I was fine with that. Yet, there are many women out there that aren’t happy with being alone.
The most unappealing quality I encounter is that of being unhappy with you, nothing deflects other people like personal unhappiness. Some people attempt to mask it by always being busy or always being around others but those things are generally illusions.
So how can you attract someone worth getting to know if you wouldn’t even attract yourself?!
When you don’t like you, you send off an aura that someone shouldn’t like you or treat you the way you ought to be treated. Unfortunately, there will be guys that would take full advantage of that. Not liking you is something that needs to be dealt with ASAP. Dating and sleeping with someone will not give you that validation that you are looking for.
Validation comes with self. If you are looking for reassurance from someone you are getting to know or dating, yeah, don’t hold your breath. Low self-esteem can be factors of different things and if they are not dealt with, any situation you get into won’t have a great start without tackling those things first. If that is the case why would someone want to date you? Shoot, I wouldn’t want too or recommend anyone to do so.
So before you go out there stressing on why you haven’t been chose, ask yourself, do you like you?