Brand New?

Can he take your clothes off just like this? Did he give you loving just like this? Did you spend the night in his bed on the very first day? Baby, tell me am I too late?– Drake “Brand New

As exciting and fun dating can be, there are a lot of questions that will surely arise, especially if you are hitting it off.  Reading many advice columns and so forth has shown me to stay clear of discussing the “ex’. I never understood that notion because I am naturally an inquisitive person, but there was one instance in where I wish I didn’t.

You see, there was this guy that I was definitely interested in. I wasn’t sure if he liked me or was even interested  in the idea of getting to know me. In college, I wasn’t that very forthcoming about my feelings when it came to guys that I liked. Playing the passive-agressive role was exciting and confusing all at the same time but it didn’t land me on dates.

I wasn’t use to dating in college …hell, I had a boyfriend for about 2.5 years. When I finally became single, the furtherst thing on my mind was to find another boyfriend. Unlike my college friends, I had no exciting stories to tell or texts to show.

How boring…

However, I did meet a guy around my senior year  that just made me feel comfortable. I began opening up about my interesting and crazy “love life”; I told him everything that went on between my ex and I. In return he went on and on about how the girls he dated cheated on him and so forth. I totally ate it up and more.  It was going great until I realized that this so called “dating”  we were doing wasn’t progressing. I was in a gray area and I wanted out.

A few months of talking, questioning, analyzing and being completely drained by his ambiguity and my resilience to hold on; I decided that something needed to be done.

I was now  on hunt mode, gathering ever useful information I could find to get my answer. To not make assumptions, I went to him and asked, but of course I was met with fairytales, lies and fallacies….a bunch of crap.  It wasn’t until I realized that I gave this dude a major break…. due to his sob story of his exes.

Was I that naive and gullible? Perhaps.

Here goes a guy who seemed great and not one relationship worked out. Why? Well if you asked him it’s because all of his exes cheated. To this day that might be the case but never once did he re-examine why that may have happened. I asked questions but the fault never rested on him. My mom warned me that the puzzle wasn’t adding up, but I dismissed her hasty conclusion and drifted off into the land of delusion.

Looking back now, I could see why his exes cheated. Don’t get me wrong, cheating is not a good thing to do or have done to you but there are some people who can drive a person to that point.

When we were “dating” (I will say that loosely), his words and actions were not lining up. When we were alone together…it was great. We got along, had great talks and had loads of fun doing things together. Hanging out with his friends were fun, we all became close BUT when we were out in public in a huge setting….that’s when things got tricky.

You see it takes a lot for me to get jealous; once I get jealous, an alert blares through me and lets me know that my feelings weren’t as shallow or faint as I once thought.

He decided that after a holiday party we attended that I should come with him to the club. I am not a fan of clubs too much and I never went out to one with a person I was dating, so this was all new to me. Not once did it ever cross my mind that he would ignore me, make me regret the decision of going and cause a huge argument to erupt in the parking lot of the club. If I was handed a memo, I would have opted in going and rather stay at home  watching some crappy late night re-run.

Let’s just sum up that night to be a lesson learned.

I was upset, fooled and in utter disbelief. That car ride was the most agitating, upsetting and confusing ride of I have ever encountered.  After asking him what we were doing, I was taken on one of the most ambigious and unclear rides of my life. He didn’t know if he was coming or going and I was right there with him, waiting on him to tell me what we were.


Maybe I should have asked the right questions, maybe him not telling me about his past was going to change the direction of what we were. Who knows!

Will that stop me from asking about the exes…yes and no. I want it to naturally come up, but if it doesn’t I will bring it up. If I like someone, I would want to know what happened and vice versa. Now how much you discuss is up to you. I am not going go into FULL detail about how  my ex and I are no more, what for?

What do we really gain from learning about our exes past or baggage. Does it give us a better insight into who they are? Does it give us a clue on how they will treat us? Or are we just curious to find out if their love life was worse than ours?


2 thoughts on “Brand New?

  1. I think it has more to do with feeling out a person. If they are being forth coming with information. To see what type of person you are dealing with, and to see if they think they did nothing wrong, which definitely wouldn’t be the case because the relationship is over. If a person plays the sob story it’s because they are trying to emotionally involve the girl OR they are not over that past relationship.

    I have learned that after a relationship fails it’s important to evaluate what happened, good and bad. Everyone isn’t the same, but you can take positive and negative things from every relationship. The hardest part is evaluating your part in it, especially if you feel you were the one that was done wrong. To be frank, you wouldn’t have been done wrong if you were doing everything right. Talking about ex’s, at least for me, gives you good insight to a person’s mental state.

    1. I feel like a sob story could be of two things. 1. Emotional involvement as you say or 2. A form of manipulation…but that is my theory.
      Getting to know someone’s past can be a good indicator and it also shows that person is allowing you to get to know them. Holding back certain information until a person feels a sense of comfortability with the person they are dating is understandable.

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