Why Men Don’t Say I Love You

Men don’t say I Love You because they don’t……PERIOD. OK, that is a lie but I can’t really answer that question without being bias. I know there are men out there who don’t have  a problem expressing their feelings and emotions to the ones they love and then there are also men out there who will not utter those words even if that is how they feel.

Weird, right??

But don’t get it twisted, there are also a bunch of sick guys out there who abuse those words for their own personal/selfish satisfaction. I wish they didn’t exist.

But let’s talk about the good ones out there.

Saying “I love you” is a huge responsibility. It is letting that person know that your heart is on the line. Wow, that is huge. I believe that a lot of guys are not willing to own up to that responsibility of knowing that somewhere out there  has entrusted them their heart and they are responsible in how it is treated. Personal gains/satisfaction takes a back seat while they continue to nurture, love, respect this person.



In our society today of instant….gratification, meals, workouts and whatever else you want to list; it is hard for some men to want to even settle down, think less of uttering those chain bound words.

So why do men steer clear of those 3 words:

  1. They don’t feel it….towards you anyways
  2. They don’t think your relationship has reached that level
  3. They are unsure of how they feel about you
  4. They don’t think it is necessary…their behavior should show you, right? Wrong.


I am all about expressing vocally how one feels. Yes, actions are great but words are also helpful as well. Women connect by talking and expressing ourselves. Saying “I love you” is an indicator to us that you care, so fellas don’t hesitate to tell the one you love how you truly feel.

I asked a good friend of mine to weigh in on this topic and this is what he had to say. Listen up ladies!

Why men don’t say “I love you”……hmmmmm? That’s a good question.

I think it’s a very stereotypical comment to make but it can very well seem that way at times. When thinking about this subject a book comes to mind that I read a while back. Ok my girlfriend at the time read it and summarized it for me. But to my defense I recommend it to her because I heard good things about the book.

“The 5 Love Languages” by Dr. Gary Chapman

The book lists the 5 Love Languages as follows:

  1.   Words of Affirmation
  2.   Quality Time
  3.   Receiving Gifts
  4.   Acts of Service
  5.   Physical Touch

Everyone shows their love in different ways and everyone also receives love from others differently. I believe many women put more importance on “Words of Affirmation” than men do. This is where you actually say things like “I love you” or “You are the world to me”. For men we subconsciously focus more on the other four languages of love. We like to spend quality time with those we love. Giving gifts and doing things that may be an inconvenience to us but of service to them. Most importantly we like to touch, kiss, and uhh…….hug our loved ones because physical touch is very important to us.

Thinking back to my childhood, (I’m sure is similar to most other men) I can remember how my dad interacted with my mom. I don’t recall him saying “I love you” to my mom though I’m sure he has. I also don’t recall many times of him saying it to myself,  my brother or sisters. None the less, I always knew that my dad loved all of us. I think that I realized how much my father cared by seeing how actively he partook in our lives. Taking us to our extracurricular activities, buying us necessities as well as gifts from time to time, and even taking off from work to do things like move me into my college dorm, are just a few of the many things my dad has done. If you really think about it those are all acts of love.

Being a man, I think that it’s just natural for us to do what I’ll call “the labor of love” or actions involved to show we love someone. We like to feel like we worked for something we want. If all we did was tell you “I love you” all the time but never spent any time with you, didn’t give you anything, barely touched you, or helped you out with things that are important to you, would you honestly believe that that we loved you?


No You Wouldn’t!!!


So let me answer the question to this post as directly as I can for all you women out there who want this mystery solved.

Men don’t say I love you (that much) because we just don’t relate well to that language of love.

At the end of the day after we have put in the “work of love” and you still don’t understand that we love you we will break out the “Words of Affirmation” in a desperate effort for you to calm down your hostility or even keep you from leaving. It’s our go to love language in time of need. If we used it all the time, it would lose its effect which to us is already low. We all know those who throw the L word around too much and even some who use it routinely.

If you’re a woman and “Words of Affirmation” are important to you there are several things you can do to help communicate this to your man.

  • First, you can set the stage for him by telling how much you enjoy when he verbally expresses his feelings for you. Show him that you appreciate his expression when he does say them to you. Don’t just give him a dull response back of what he just said to you. You know what I’m talking about. “Oh I love you too babe” while you’re still reading a text or doing your hair. Stop and give him a huge hug and kiss. If you return his expression with a special expression of your own he will be sure to keep using his words. Otherwise those words will just become more and more meaningless to him to the point where he doesn’t use them anymore.
  • Also, pay attention to what his language of love is. Knowing this can help you express your love to him in a way that he relates most closely to. The more you speak his “language” the stronger the effect your feelings for him have and he will want to expresses his feelings back in a strong way. When he knows that telling you how he feels is that way….he will do it.

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