Most of us have been here before… we meet someone, they are attractive and after sometime you decide to go on a date. We are excited and nervous at the same time but hey, this may be the one to end your single status. The date goes well, he’s handsome, funny and did I mention he’s handsome.
A couple of dates later you can’t help but to think of him. Friends are asking what you guys are but funny enough you have no idea. Scared to tip the scales, you decide to play by his rules; unbeknownst to you he has no plan on taking the relationship anywhere but his bed.
After reading many great reviews regarding “A Belle In Brooklyn“ by Demetria Lucas, I decided to give it a try and I was not disappointed. There was one chapter in her book, called an “An A/B Conversation” that made me step back and re-examine the type of men that I’ve dated or currently dating.
Lucas meets an attractive man at a party that not only schools her on dating but gives the reader something to think about.
“The people you seriously date only come as A’s or B’s. Anything else like a C through a Z, is a time killer. It’s not the real thing, so why put forth the effort?”
A man : “….the nice man your parents would like to see you dating or married to. He is reliable, rational, dependable, honest, humble, considerate, and goal oriented…(You see where this is going.)”
B man: “There is something about B. You can’t ever really put your finger on why. He doesn’t do half of what A does, but you will do twice as much for him. He’s not really reliable. He’s definitely inconsistent and usually not entirely honest. He might not be conventionally attractive, but he’s hypnotized you into believing he is the finest man you will ever encounter. He is, however, drama.”
How many men have I dated in these categories and how many of them were an A man?? To be quite honest, so far, I have only dated one A man. The reason why him and I didn’t work was he didn’t give me the umpph that B man has. How many A man get passed up because the women they date state that they lack that umpphh??
- Life gets way more interesting around B.
- Your emotions run the full gamut.
- You might coast with a variation of forty to fifty mph with A, but B is zero to ninety in six seconds flat.
Sound familiar? Yes!
The guy that I have been dating casually is the definition of B man, the guy before that was a B man, shoot… the guys I am attracted to the most are B men! Now that I have found my weakness, I could continue dating guys who keep me in gray areas, who keep me constantly rethinking where we stand OR I can date a guy who will truly appreciate all that is me and not bits of pieces that excite him.
Is it difficult to break the cycle??? Of course. I would be lying if I told you, I stopped cold turkey. I have been on dates and besides judging the guy on whether he gave me that ummpphh I was looking for, I am looking at how he treats me and if his actions are consistent. I am training my mind to not get invested in “triggers” that don’t benefit me in the long run.
For 2012, I will be with an A man… trust!
So what type of men do you date? Do they fall in the A/B category? Why or why not?